Kidnapped by Straight Men
by BFTLandMWandSEK
Summary: The Hetalia boys have kidnapped the girl of their dreams in hopes of wooing and marrying her. Too bad this "lucky" girl is a lesbian.
1. I Hate Hangovers

**Summary: **The Hetalia boys have kidnapped the girl of their dreams and are having her participate in a game to woo her hand in marriage. Too bad the girl of their dreams is a lesbian.

**Warnings: **Coarse language and references to sex, drugs, and alcohol

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**~Chapter 1~**

**I Hate Hangovers **

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Leah was always told that college would be the most scholarly years of her life. Hours upon days upon years of her remaining youth would be wasted away in dusty books and thousand page essays. Once Leah managed to land herself in a college a reasonable distance from her overbearing parents, she found it to be the most sex-filled, alcoholic, hangover-prone days of her life.

The pinnacle of such days was the Saturday night party in the international dorms that lasted well into Sunday morning. Leah barely remembered what happened night before when she woke up at six o'clock sharp the next morning.

The first thing she noticed was the constant buzzing in her temples, liquefying her brain into a mush that rocked in her cranium whenever she dared to move her head. How many beers did she drink last night? She wasn't sure, but she was positive that she had only one shot of vodka and smoked one joint of weed. She next noticed how empty her dorm was. Her roommate, a girl who wanted to change the system while living solely off of a school scholarship, must had found a guy down the hall to share a bed with.

Leah then realized that she was naked. She only slept naked when the sleeping came after the sex. Sure enough, a peek over the side of her bed revealed a foreign bra on her dirty wood floors. It looked red in the bad lighting of her room, though Leah knew that it was actually an expensive pink lace push up a girl could only buy at Victoria's Secret. Leah sat up, rubbing her eyes. Now she had to figure out where the bra's owner was. It wouldn't be the first time she woke up alone after a rough round of sex, but she did not know of any girl who would leave without her bra.

Leah pulled away her bed sheets and tried to climb out of her bed. The alcohol that still coursed through her veins made her topple over onto the floor. Her wide forehead barely missed the edge of her roommate's bed. Leah groaned and sat up again, her bare back pressed against the bed frame. Her room spun and strange shadows appeared on the over side of the dorm. She tried to shake the vertigo away, but it only made the spinning worse.

Leah reached blindly for the bra, patting the floor a few times before hitting the fabric. She barely had it in her hands before she realized that the shadows in the corner of her room were talking.

"Should we ask her to put on clothes?" A man with a Chinese accent asked.

"No. I am enjoying the view," said a French accent.

"But it's improper!" said a German accent.

Leah blinked. Why did the shadows have foreign accents? Why did they even have voices in the first place? Shadows don't speak. How much _did_ she drink last night?

"Oooh!" This voice also had an accent (was that Italian?), though his voice was pitched to the same octave as a girl. Maybe that was the bra's owner. "She noticed us!" A shadow bound from the corner and straight into her face. He became more human as he got closer until Leah could make out a pair of large eyes and a head of curly brown hair. "Hello pretty girl! I'm Italy!"

The man, Italy, wrapped his arms around her neck and hugged her tightly. Leah, still unable to think clearly, did not react until she felt him nuzzle the side of her neck. She shrieked and pushed him away with her hands, but then held him back with her foot for extra measure. She pinned Italy to the opposite bed, watching him as he fawned over her foot. "It's so pretty and slender and your nail polish is really cute! Pink is a really good color on you!"

Leah was grossed out, but she chose to ignore him. She would deal with that idiot later, when her head didn't hurt. She looked at the other shadows, watching one by one as they filed out from her corner. More came from her closet. They spread themselves around her room, some even sitting on the beds. In the end, she counted eleven men of all ethnicities, shapes, and heights. Leah's eyes skimmed over each face, noting all of the wide eyes and blushed cheeks. She scowled. "What?" she demanded, her syllables slurred together. If she was sober, she would have chosen a better greeting, but being drunk, she chosen the first thought that came to her head. "Have you never seen a naked black chick before?"

"None as beautiful as you," said a brutish man with a thick Russian accent. He smiled impishly, his cheek inflating to the size of oranges. "Would you like to become one with me?"

Before Leah could even think to answer, the blond man besides him punched the Russian's cheek. "Hell no, Commie-Bastard! The hero gets to marry her!"

The blond with long wavy hair who sat on the edge of her desk wagged his finger at him. "No, no, no." It was the same French accent from before. "She needs an experience lover that will pleasure her."

Leah scratched the side of her head, trying hopelessly to figure out what they meant. "What are you—"

A man with tanned skin and brown curls cut her off. He placed a calloused hand on the bare of his chest his half-buttoned shirt provided. "That would be me," he said. His accent was Spanish.

The Italy-double sitting next to him crossed his arms over his chest. He sent the Spaniard a dark glower. "Hell no, tomato bastard. _I_ would be the best."

An Asian man with short black hair raised his hand, saying, "Excuse me for saying this, but I believe that she should decide whom she wants to marry."

An albino rolled his eyes. "Shut up, Japan. You're still a virgin, what do you know about—"

A buff man with slick blond hair pounded his hand on the wall. "Everyone shut up!" he shouted. He sounded like the German accent that spoke earlier. "Japan is right. She needs to decide for herself who she would like to marry."

All eyes returned to Leah. She suddenly realized that sitting naked in a room full of obviously high men was not the smartest thing to do, but she had no idea what to do about it. Maybe she could kick them out of her room long enough to call the campus police, but she doubted these men would leave that easily. She looked at each of the face and saw that all of their eyes were sparkling with hope. She had to tell them that she couldn't marry them.

The alcohol coursing through her veins loosened her lips to the point where she blurted out first excuse that came to her head. "But I'm a lesbian!"

They all shrugged. "That really doesn't matter," said the sole American man. They all nodded in agreement.

"I have an idea." Italy looked away from her foot and gave the world a bright smile. "Why don't we take her home and all go on dates with her so that she can know more about us and then she can decide who she wants to marry!"

Every single male nodded and voiced their agreements. Leah looked between them, amazed. "But I'm a lesbian!" she exclaimed again.

"Doesn't matter." The German moved from his place at the door, scanning his cold eyes briskly around the room. "Now pack up. We're leaving at seven hundred hours."

Leah stared at him. "But I'm a lesbian!"

"I said pack up."

"No!"

That was not good enough. The men tried for the next hour to get her to pack up (or to at least put some clothing on), but she refused each time (Leah's hanged over sense of logic told her that since it was her room, she had all the right to remained unclothed). At last, the Russian man grew so impatient with her that he held a chloroform handkerchief forcefully over her mouth until she fell unconscious.

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**MW: **I don't know why I wrote this now. I've had this idea in my head for a very long time now and for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to write it. Updates for this will be very short and very sporadic. Maybe I can finish this by the end of summer?

I hope you guys have all enjoyed and I hope this curbs you over until I get update one of my other fanfictions.

**No Notes**

**Thank you for reading have a wonderful day!**


	2. I Hate Nosebleeds

**Warnings:**Coarse language and references to sex

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~**Chapter 2~**

**I Hate Nosebleeds**

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There were a few plus sides to waking up completely sober. You didn't have to worry about the headaches hangovers give or the uncertainty of whether or not there were date-rape drugs in the many drinks you gulped last night.

Leah ruminated over such things when she woke up in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room. This time she was not naked. Someone had managed to not only pull on a pair of panties and a bra over her scrawny frame, but also a _Doctor Who _t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts.

So it wasn't ruffies, she thought. That's nice.

Leah sat up, taking in the room. Each inch of wall space was a plain white while every piece of furniture was a stark black. It looked horribly lazy to her. She tossed her sheets off and placed her feet on the ground. If she remembered correctly, some freaks knocked her out, insisting that she married one of them. She groaned. She had been hoping that it was part of some weirdo dream, but the foreign room she was in only seemed to confirm it. That would mean that she had been kidnapped.

That would mean she was currently _kidnapped_.

Her body immediately sprang into panic mode: her heart jumped in her chest erratically, sweat gathered on the rim of her hair, her arms shook with unused adrenaline. Her throat made strange noises when she started to hyperventilate. The walls caved in. She needed to escape before they crushed her completely. She jumped to the lone window across from her. Her hands fumbled with the frame as she tried to yank it open. It remained stubbornly shut. She only had the chance to bang her shoulder into the glass once before she noticed how close the walls were to her arms. They drew in closer and closer and closer…

Leah closed her eyes, ordering herself to calm down. This was probably some bizarre prank pulled by some of the frat boys down the street, she told herself. All she would have to do is find a phone and call campus police.

But that one Russian guy used chloroform on her.

Okay, maybe it wasn't a prank. Still, panicking was going to do nothing to help her. All she had to do was find an excuse to go outside of the house and she could bolt it to the nearest police station. As long as these men remained "honorable" and did not try to rape or hurt her, she could keep her sanity until then. Leah had a feeling that whatever possessed them to choose her would make them want to keep her safe.

She just might make it out of here without needing therapy afterwards. The thought made her feel a little better.

There was a knock. Leah turned to the door on the other side of the room. "I'm coming in!" A soft voice called.

Her eyes skimmed around the room, her beat picking up again. That sounded like a man, no doubt one of the men who wanted to marry her. She needed something to protect herself, just in case he tried something. She skimmed the room quickly before finally spotting a desk by the door. A cup of pencils sat in the corner. Pencils were great for stabbing.

Leah lunged towards it just as the door swung open. She felt the sharp pain in her nose before she realized where the source of it was from. By the time the door was fully open, Leah was stumbling away from it, cursing its existence. She clutched her nose, praying that wasn't broken.

The blond at the doorway stared at her with conflicting emotions on the eyes behind his glasses. Part of him looked confused as to what she was doing, the other looked ready to push her against a wall and ravish her neck. Leah shifted uncomfortably on the floor. The man shook his head, finally speaking. "Are you alright? What happened?"

Should she respond? If she was going to gain enough trust to make it outside, then she should. "You slammed the door into my nose," she replied. She tried to sound pleasant, but her voice came out in a sharp growl.

He flushed a bright red. "I'm sorry!" He rushed to her side. "Here, let me see it!" Leah tried to push him away, but it was hard to do that and keep her hands on her nose at the same time. He was nimble too. Before Leah could barely realize what he was doing, he dug his finger beneath her hands and peeled them away. He held them away from her face, observing her face with narrow eyes. Leah gulped, waiting to see what he would do. He was _this _close to kissing her.

"I think I flattened it," he said at last.

She frowned and yanked his hands away. "My nose has always been flat!"

He looked down. "Sorry. It was dark the last time I saw you and I didn't get a good look at your face—not saying that it's a bad one! You are quite pretty…"

Leah sighed. The more she thought about it, the more she realized where had seen this man before. He was the quite guy who sat on the corner of her bed. He did not say anything to her the previous morning, but at the German man's orders he had "helped" her packed her things. He seemed like a nice guy, though the fact that he had helped kidnapped her didn't make him any better.

She was just rising back to her feet when another blond poke his head into the doorway. "What did you do to her, Canada?" he demanded through a thick French accent. "Her face is all red!"

The Chinese man from earlier mimicked him. "And her nose is flattened!"

Leah threw her hands up in the air. "I give up!" She slumped onto the edge of the bed. "What the hell do you even want from me?" She demanded. "Why did you take me? Why do you even want to marry me?"

"I believe I can answer that!" The albino man ran into the room. His sock-covered feet made him slide on the wood floors, bringing him to a stylish stop in front of Leah.

She stared at him. "Who are you?"

He smirked and raised his chin proudly. "I am Prussia, though I am so awesome it wouldn't surprise me if you've already heard of me."

"Aren't you a little too white to be from Persia?"

"Prussia! I'm from Prussia!" He frowned as his cheeks turned an even darker shade of red. "It's located in Germany!"

Leah cursed herself. This is not the way for her to gain their favor. She had to stay on their good sides, not aggravate them. She strained an apologetic grin. "Sorry. Honest mistake, Mister …" She struggled to remember his name. Who did he say he was? "Prussia?"

That seemed to do the trick. His scowl was quickly replaced with a flirty smirk. He slithered onto the spot next to her, slinking a hand behind her. "That's much better," he said. "Though you might want to save the 'mister' part for the bedroom."

Leah scooted away from him, wondering if she should remind them of her love for vaginas. These people seemed like lunatics though. None of them had any real names, just countries. "Thanks… Why would I be in your bedroom again?"

He closed the gap between them, leaning in until the tip of his pointed nose brushed the surface of her flat one. "Because I'm going to marry you," he whispered.

"_Mon Dieu_!" A pair of arms wedged between their chests. They spread them apart as their owner, the Frenchman, said, "Make room for Jesus! We all will have the chance to propose to her before that will ever happen!"

Prussia sent him a glare. "Thanks for the reminder, France."

"Perhaps you two should stop flirting and answer her question already," the Chinese man snapped.

Prussia stuck his tongue out at him. "You're so not awesome," he muttered. When he turned back to Leah, all disgust was banished from his face, replaced by an alluring pair of red bedroom eyes. He leaned in, as if to give her a better view of them. "We still won't tell you why we kidnapped you or stalked you—"

"You stalked me?" Leah demanded. How long has their creepy obsession been going on for?

"Of course we did. Anyways, you live with us now—"

"Why did you stalk me?"

"Because you're sexy. As I was saying, because you live with us now, we have one specific rule you need to follow—"

"Look, if you want to get into my pants, stalking me is not going to do it—"

Prussia slapped a hand across her mouth. Leah screamed into his palm. A sick grin spread across his face as he pulled himself closer to her head. She felt his hot breath around the rim of her ear. "One rule, Miss Townsend," he hissed. "Act naughty, and we punish you."

Leah gulped. That was not good. That was _so_ not good.

He pressed his face into the side of her neck, breathing her in. "Do you know what that means?" he asked, slipping his hand from her mouth.

She was silent for a long moment. She grabbed her hand, making sure that she did not punch him away. What could she even say to that? The other men stared at her, waiting to see what her answer was. She took a deep breath. "I guess I should be on my best behavior." She spoke slowly, making sure that no one would misinterpret her words.

He pulled away, gracing her with another bedroom look. "That's not awe—" He stopped. He gave her an animalistic grin. "Did I really turn you on that much?" he asked.

"What?"

He ran his finger over her upper lip. He did it fast, so that she had not chance to pull away from him. He held it in front of her eyes, showing the blood covering his stubby nail. "I made your nose bleed."

Leah screamed. All of the panic she tried to quell from before surged back through her veins. She pushed Prussia off the bed before she accidentally tumbled off as well. "Get away from me!" She scrambled to the nearest wall—one she was sure was much closer than it was before—holding her knees in front of her chest. "Get away! Go away!"

Canada stepped towards her. "Leah, why are you—"

China stopped him with a hand on the shoulder. "We probably scared her," he said. "We should give her some time to adjust."

Prussia, still sitting on the floor, waved a hand in long sweeps at her direction. "But I made her nose bleed! I turned her on!"

"_He_ slammed a fucking door in my face, you ass-shit!" Leah screamed, pointing at Canada. The room shrunk infinitely smaller with each breath she took. "Now get out!"

They left. The French man had to drag Prussia out by his arm, but Leah was alone all the same. When she heard the door's lock click shut behind them, she knew that no matter what they said, she was their prisoner. She looked up to check to see if there was a lock on the window, but her head spun at a thousand different angles. A vague part of her remembered a health course she took in high school. When someone was light headed, he should place his head between his knees. Leah did so, reminding herself to control her breathing. With the show she made, she was sure that none of the men would dare try anything on her for the rest of the day.

"Psst… hey!"

That sounded like a girl. Leah's head shot up, only to be smacked in the face by something that was soft and covered in lime green plastic. Leah swore, looking to see what hit her. An unopened pad sat at her feet. Her confusion showed itself through her scrunched brows. "What in the world…"

"Over here!"

Leah looked at a door on the opposite side of the room. It was cracked open just enough for a woman with long platinum hair to stand between. The half of her body Leah saw was clad in a dark blue skirt and a loose white shirt. A pair of silver studs sparkled in her ears when the woman turned her head. A similar naval piercing revealed itself when she crossed her arms over her chest. Her face was narrow and boney, her bust even less impressive.

Yet Leah swore that she had never seen a more beautiful girl before in her life.

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**MW: **So the Hetalia boys are purposefully out of character (or just really flat). Why? The original source material did that to them, so I figured I should do it as well. But who is the mysterious girl at the door? Why are the boys going after Leah? All these questions will be answered next chapter. (By the way, I am not taking time out of my normal stories to do this. I actually can't post the new chapter to FD yet, so I'm using this to fill up my time).

Let's thank some reviewers, shall we? Kudos to **alexzinger123, ****Guest****, FrostyTheBookLover, MastermindKakashi, UltimateOtakuGirl100, ****Oh my god, **and** HimekoUchia.**

**Notes**

"Mon Dieu!" My God! French

**Thanks for reading. Have a great start of the summer! Wear sunscreen! **


	3. I Hate Magic

**Warnings: **Coarse language and references to sex

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**~Chapter 3~**

**I Hate Magic**

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The woman at the door glared at her. "Are you going to gawk all day or are you going to listen to me?" she demanded harshly.

Her voice called Leah back to reality. Leah shook the pervasive thoughts from her head, bringing herself back to attention. "Sorry…" She took a step forward, then stopped. "Who are you?" she asked.

The woman's frown thickened. "Belarus. Now are you going to come or not?"

She hesitated. "Why did you throw a pad at me?"

Belarus's glare only sharpened. "Are you coming or not?" Even though her voice was lowered to a dangerous growl, Leah could not help but to wallow in how lovely it sounded. As cutting as it was, it was also crisp and clear.

Again, Leah pushed her hormones out of the picture. She held her hands in front of her chest, as if she were to hold back the blows Belarus's words inflicted. "Excuse me princess, but why should I?" she asked.

"You'll get to know what's going on." With that, Belarus retreated back into the bathroom.

In any normal situation, Leah would have turned down the offer, even if there was a hot woman in the equation. She was a good student. She could deduce what was going on by herself. But this was not a normal situation. She was kidnapped and under the mercy of some obviously unstable men. If she was going to make it out of this place alive, she was going to have to take whatever help she could get.

Leah wiped her nose on the corner of her bed comforter, clearing away the remains of her nose bleed. The pain had subsided, so her nose was definitely not broken. She also took a moment to press her hands against her hair. Her hair always took an hour to style before class. If left untamed her tight, tawny curls would crowd her face like a frizzy halo. Her hair did feel like it was arranged in a poufy ball around her head, but she could do nothing about it now. If she wasted any more time, Belarus might turn down her offer.

Leah crept through the door Belarus had slipped through, unsure of what she was going to see. A large white tiled bathroom was not one of them.

The bathroom was half the size of her normal room, complete with a vanity cabinet by the skin, a full body mirror (where she confirmed that, yes, her hair looked like a creation from the 70s), and a pristine toilet.

Belarus was waiting for her at the edge of an eggshell white bathtub, one supported by gold griffin paws. Eight other heads sprouted from the tub, each one turning to see her. Their expressions were as varied as their ethnicities, some stretched into visages of glee while others were drawn with gravity. "Glad to see you come to your senses," Belarus said, a slight smirk etched on her thin lips. "C'mon." She slipped off the edge, seating herself next to an Asian girl with a bright smile.

Leah paused. "Why are you in the bathtub?" she asked.

A woman with brown hair gave her a proud grin. "It's the best hiding place we could find," she chirped. She waved a hand. "Come in! There's plenty of room."

It took the strange girls a little more urging before they finally coaxed her inside. There was _not_ "plenty of room." The foreign girls had to adjust themselves to fit into the cramp space, finally fixing the problem by sitting two girls on the laps of two others. Leah found herself squished between the boney shoulders of the brunette and the breasts of a woman Belarus clinged to. (And to be frank, Leah had never seen breasts quite this size. They were, as she saw it, larger than her head, hair and all).

Once Leah was situated, they went in a circle, introducing themselves by name. The brunette who invited her in called herself Hungary. The two girls sitting on laps were Liechtenstein and Monaco. The two girls whose laps were being seated on were Belgium and Vietnam. A girl a few shades darker than Leah was named Seychelles, her apparent best friend was an Asian girl named Taiwan. The buxom lady introduced herself with a smile, saying her name was Ukraine.

"Why are all of you named after countries?" Leah asked.

The women exchanged looks. "You don't want to know," Hungary said.

"No, I really do—"

"No, you really don't—"

Leah nearly screamed. "Why not? It's just a name! Why can't I know?" They stared at her.

Vietnam cleared her throat. "What I think Hungary is trying to say is that there are more important matters to discuss," she said. "Knowing the meaning behind our names will not make you safer."

"Safer?" Leah's eyes bulged.

"We do not know how far the guys are willing to go to get into your pants," Monaco said, pushing her specs farther up her slim nose. "Magic's weird like that."

"Magic?"

Monaco gave her a hard look. "Did I stutter?"

Leah shook her head. "No, it's just…" Leah scanned the eyes of every woman in the tub. Each pair was lit with sincerity, like they truly believed everything they told her. Leah hanged her head. "I knew it was too good to be true," she muttered, pushing herself to her feet. The woman of the tub groaned, moving to give her enough space.

"Where are you going?" Belarus demanded, her face reverting back to its drawn scorn.

"Magic isn't real," Leah said, swinging her leg over the side of the tub. "You people are obviously as crazy as those guys, so if you'll excuse me…" No one stopped her from climbing back onto the bathroom floor. Leah almost wished that one of them would immediately give her a logical explanation for this "magic," but they all remained quiet.

All except one.

"You are not going to walk out on us," Belarus said, rising from her spot as well.

Leah could feel her eyes on her back, but she ignored it and continued to walk out of the bathroom. "I'm an engineering major," she said. "I study physics and science stuff. I _know _magic isn't real."

Belarus climbed out of the tub, her naval pierce flashing under the florescent lights. "And until now you knew that there were no men interested in marrying you or willing to kidnap you to make it happen."

Leah paused, her hand hovering over the doorknob. She knew that she should ignore her and pull open the door, but she could not bring herself to do it. Belarus was speaking the truth, though Leah had no idea what she was going to do with it. Leah turned halfway, giving Belarus a side view of her body. She raised her thin black brow, as if to say "explain yourself."

Belarus met her eyes. "I don't think you realize this," she said, "but your physics and science stuff isn't going to help you get out of this situation. We can. So screw whether or not magic is real. We're the only people here who are going to look out for your wellbeing. If you can make it out there by yourself, then go ahead walk out right now. But if you want help from people who actually know what's going on, then come back to the bathtub right now."

Leah looked down. She was used to working by herself. She had been told way too many times that she was too bossy or controlling, that no one else in her group project had a say when she was around. Working by herself would be so much easier. But Belarus was right. Leah could list off formulas that explain projectiles or the theories behind waves, but she could not explain why these men did what they did.

Leah dropped her hand and completed her turn. She straddled her legs, copying the stoney visage Belarus seemed to adore. "I want to hear everything right now," she ordered.

Belarus pointed at the tub. "Come back in here first."

"Why?"

Belarus sighed. "Because Belgium thought that it would be fun to pretend to be at a sleepover or something like that."

Leah looked at the blond curls that identified Belgium. "What kind of sleepovers have you been to?" she asked.

Belgium gave her a toothy grin. "Only the best kind."

"Well whatever you can tell me in there," Leah said, tuning her attention back to Belarus. "You can tell me out here."

Belarus's mouth did not twitch. With a defiant lift of the chin, she turned on her heels and returned to her place in the tub. The entire motion was so elegant that it left Leah in a daze. The way Belarus's hair swayed against her waist made Leah remember the graceful leaps and spin of a ballerina. She wondered if Belarus was a dancer and, if she was, if she would dance for her.

"I can explain it," Hungary announced, adjusting herself so that Leah could see her face. She gave Leah no time to breath before happily springing into her speech. "A lot of it involves magic, but just try to go along with it anyways. All of us here, including the guys, all live in a life style where we prefer not to get into long term relationships. To make up for that, we all have this sort of 'free love' relationship with each other."

Hungary's face suddenly lost the joy that crinkled around her eyes. She looked tense, her eyes set with gravity, as she frowned at the world. The change was unsettling. When she continued to speak, she sounded like a politician at congress, the kind who smacked his papers on his desk as he delivered his speech. "We have been like this for a long time, so it is only natural that there would be an outlining group of men we would refuse to have sex with. Their names are England, Romania, and Norway. All of us females have sustained from giving ourselves to them, each for our own individual reasons, for about a century now. The other day they got fed up with us and used their magic on the men we were in relationships with, cursing them to fall in love with the same human girl. They planned on us becoming sexually frustrated to the point of wanting to have sex with them."

Leah blinked, trying to understand everything Hungary threw at her. "Okay, wow." She took a deep breathing, running each piece of information in her head again. If she excused the magic aspect, the whole situation made some sense. Sex was a very good motivation for doing terrible things. "But what about me?" she asked. "Why did they select me?"

The Women of the Bathtub (Leah found herself liking that title for them) looked at each other and shrugged. "We really have no idea why," Ukraine said. "Maybe you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

She sighed. Of course she was. That kind of luck made her earn only a 3 on her AP Psychology test instead of the 4 she deserved, which she maintained was the only reason why Harvard did not accept her into their school. Leah's finger found a curl of her hair and, gladly, she twirled it around her knuckle. "So if all of this is because you friendzoned a bunch of assholes who just happened to use magic, how am I going to get out of it?"

Monaco grimaced. "Well, the thing about that is that we don't want you to leave just yet."

"What?" Leah stormed to the tub, leaning over Hungary's head to glare at the petite woman. "What do you mean I'm not leaving?" she roared. "You said that—"

"I said that we _will _protect you and get you out of here," Belarus snapped. "I just never said when." Leah stared at her. Irritation was now mixed with her wintry visage, one that made Belarus look dangerous to the touch.

Leah found her hands unhooking themselves from the edge of the tub. She stepped back, taking a deep breath. The Women of the Bathtub did not look disturbed. Vietnam even yawned. Leah forced a smile on her thick lips. "Thank you for clarifying," she sneered. "Now would anyone like to explain to me _why _I have to wait?"

A white hand appeared in the air. Meek Liechtenstein made a small noise that was too gentle to be considered a cough. "If I may," she said, averting her eyes from Leah's. "If we took you out of here, England, Romania, and Norway would just replace you with another girl. So why should we bother, especially when we need them to think their plan is working until we can get in there and undo everything?"

"Maybe because I don't want to be here?"

"No one wants to be here."

"But—"

Hungary stood, disrupting the order of the legs in the tub. The mutters of the rearrangement outlined her looming figure, one that was a solid head taller than Leah (without the extra height the bathtub granted her, Hungary would have matched Leah's height). "I know it's a sacrifice, but it's one we're asking you to make," Hungary said, voice booming.

Leah shook her head. "You want me to get sexually harassed every day so that you can have a sex life?"

"Have you looked at this from the boys-under-the-spell's perspective?" she demanded. "Do you think they want to do this? They're harassing youagainst _their_ will. Am I wrong?"

Brown eyes turned towards the ground as Leah shook her head. "No, you're not."

Hungary sighed. The sternness dropped from her face like wilting flower petals. "Please help us," she said. "If not for them, then for an award. We'll give you whatever you want in exchange for your help."

"And you'll protect me?"

"We'll make sure someone is always nearby to help you if you need it."

Leah dug her teeth into her lip. "But I don't want anything right now."

"Then consider it a blank check," Hungary replied. "You can tell us at the end what you want."

Leah was silent for a long moment. She needed to get out of this place soon. She did not have the time to play this game—her family would wonder where she had gone. Not to mention the lectures she would be missing. But there was no guarantee she would ever make it out by herself. The Women of the Bathtub were giving her a way out. Yes, it was some time away, but it was the only definite end in sight. She would only have to stay with their deal until she found a better alternative and, if she never did, at least she would still return home someday.

Leah looked back at Hungary. Gone was the collection of her fright. Now she was only calm, confidence seeping from every pore on her skin. "Belarus has to be the one protecting me," she said. "Do that and you got yourself a deal."

Belarus shouted her confusion.

Hungary ignored her. "Deal."

They shook hands.

"Why me?" Belarus demanded, her eyes once again trained in that hateful look of hers. Leah hoped that she was only cruel to the people she just met.

"Isn't it obvious?" Taiwan said, braiding Seychelles's pigtails. "You're the dangerous one. You'll flip shit if anyone hurt her." Leah was suddenly very glad she chose the woman she did.

Hungary motioned for her to rejoin the bathtub. Leah did so happily, squeezing herself between Belarus and Taiwan. Belarus groaned.

Belgium twisted her head around Liechtenstein's body, gracing Leah with a graceful smile. "Now that you're on the team, we best be going over what'll happen next. According to a wonderful conversation I eavesdropped on last night, the boys are going to be switching off on the days they get to 'have' you. That means different boy on a different date every day. They drew names from a hat, so I don't know the exact order. We can tell you some of the basic things you need to keep in mind with each one…"

* * *

**MW: **I don't think anyone as quite grasp much I'm not taking this seriously. Oh well. So we finally know what is actually going on here. It's a bit underwhelming, but the shenanigans has yet to start.

You may have noticed that I never said which guy Leah would have to deal with first. Why? Because I don't know which guy is going to happen first. Why? Because I thought it would be fun to have a vote. So please review or go to my ask box on tumblr and tell me which guy you would like to see Leah deal with first. In case you forgot, here are the men available: Italy, Germany, Japan, Romano, Prussia, Spain, America, China, Russia, France, and Canada. Yes, you may vote for more than one. I don't really care. The sooner you vote, the sooner I can get the next chapter out.

And before I sign out, let's give some thanks to last chapter's reviewers: **Little Miss. Glasses and Geeks, HimekoUchia, **and** Devin Trinidad.** I also got a lot of new followers last chapter, so shout out to you geeks as well!

**No Notes**

**Thanks for reading! Please remember to vote!**


	4. I Hate Tests

**Warnings: **Some sexual harassment, crude language.

* * *

**~Chapter 4~**

**I Hate Tests**

* * *

Leah shifted through her drawers, swearing as panties and bras passed through her fingers. "Where is it?" she muttered. It was the morning of the big date, an idea that had the blood rushing to her temples. She wasn't quite sure what to do (all of the advice Belgium had given her the day before seemed silly). She needed chance to be on her side, which was the sole reason why she now found herself searching for her Lucky Bra. She wore it whenever she wasn't feeling too confident, whether it was a test or a job interview. It had never failed her before. The only problem was that even though the Women of the Bathtub insisted that the men had brought all of her belongings with them, the bra was nowhere to be found. The pink push-up bra she found on her dorm floor was stuffed into her drawer, but not the Lucky Bra.

Leah groaned. A peak into the bathroom would be all it would take to ask them where it was, but it didn't seem like it was worth the effort. She would have to make it through the day, Lucky Bra or not.

The moment her thought finished, a knock sounded on her bathroom door. "Are you dressed yet?" Belarus snapped from the other side.

Leah swore, quickly clipping the pink bra over her breasts. The cups were a little too small for her chest, but it fit rather well. "Not yet," she replied, slamming that drawer shut and opening one above it. "You can still come in if you want."

"I'll pass. Just be ready before your date comes."

Leah held her lips in a tight line. Darn it. Why was it that all evidence seemed to be pointing away from Belarus being a lesbian?

Being the polar opposite of a morning person, Leah was an expert at getting dressed on short notice. A flick of the wrist pulled a pattern skirt up to her waist and a red shirt to tuck into it. Leah buckled a thick brown belt over it, topping it off with a pair of Greek inspired sandals. "Okay, I'm dressed."

Belarus emerged from the bathroom. Somehow she managed to get her hands on a pair of normal looking skinny jeans and a loose blue shirt to go with it. The only unique aspect of the outfit was the delicate bow crowning her head. Her eyes skimmed over Leah in a cold instant, followed by a brisk nod. "You look nice," she said.

Leah smiled, feeling herself squirm with excitement. "You too."

Belarus dropped their shared gaze and strode into the room, saying something about safety measures. The disappoint thundered in Leah's chest, but she supposed she should have expected that. Heaven knows that all the hot women were straight.

Leah went into the bathroom, intent on taming her mass of hair. The Women of the Bathtub were gathered at their designated spot, each feasting on her own plate of pancakes. Where they got it, Leah had no clue.

"Good morning!" Seychelles greeted. With hyper movements, she set her plate aside and climbed out of the bathtub. She bounced to Leah, joining her in front of the sink. "You look _so _pretty today! Where did you get that skirt?"

Leah squirted a glob of styling gel into her palm. "Forever 21," she replied.

"I love that store. Cheap, but cute clothing. Hate their jewelry."

"Ugh, I know. You always get that green stuff on your skin." Leah massaged the gel into her tawny curls, defusing her oversized afro. "By the way, have you seen a lacey black bra with nude colored cups anywhere? I don't mean white people nude, but like my skin color."

Seychelles tapped her chin, thinking. "Can't say I have. Why?"

Leah couldn't help but to sigh. "It's my lucky bra and it's missing."

"Well you can always get a new one."

"Do you know how hard it is to find nude colored underwear for my skin color?" Leah demanded. "C'mon, you're black. You should know this."

Seychelles shrugged. "I don't wear bras."

Leah stopped moving. She peered at Seychelles's chest curiously, surprised to see no signs of a bra beneath her shirt. Leah wasn't sure if it was the appropriate time to mention her "no underwear in public" kink when a knock sounded from her bedroom door.

The Women of the Bathtub hushed each other, a giggle erupting from a mouth every now and then as Hungary stood and cleared her throat. "Good luck on your first date," she said, gracing her with a sweet smile. A few girls chorused similar good wills. "Remember our deal."

She grimaced. "How can I forget?"

Leah had more to say, but Seychelles pushed her back into her room, wishing her more luck before closing the bathroom door behind her. There was no sign of Belarus anywhere. Leah wiped her hands on her skirt, taking a deep breath before approaching the door. Another knock banged against the wood. She took a deep breath. _I just have to keep him entertained, _she told herself. _Do that and you'll be fine._

She prayed Belarus really was watching over her, not ditching out on her duties.

Leah forced her hand to turn the knob and open the door.

An older, but still young man stood on the other side. Leah stared at his brown eyes for a moment, trying to remember who this man was. He was the one with the Chinese accent, right? What did he say his name was?

The man's small mouth formed a smile as he held out a bouquet of red roses. "Hello, Miss Townsend. It's a pleasure to meet you. My name is China. These are for you."

Leah took them into her hand, unsure of what to say. A few of her past girlfriends had given her roses before, but none as grand as these. Each one was a perfectly deep red at the peak of its bloom. The bouquet was massive as well, nearly a hundred roses wrapped in a plastic sheet. "Thank you," she said at last, feeling a flattered blush creep up her cheeks. "I should put these in a vase really quickly. Hold on."

Leah retreated back into her room, leaving China at the threshold of her door. Away from his friendly air, she could finally think clearly. There was nothing malicious about him. Besides the serious glint in his chocolate eyes, every inch of him was covered in a child-like innocence. Strange for a man who played such a large role in her kidnapping.

Leah knew many people like that. Boys at dorm parties who play the sweet smile before spiking a girl's drink with roofies. This China person may not be planning date rape, but there was definitely _something_ he was hiding.

Of course, Leah did not find a vase in her room. What kind of person kept a vase in their bedroom? In the end, she laid the roses on her desk and promised China she would get one before the day was out. He responded with a congenial comment, his fingers on the cuffs of his striped shirt. "So Leah," he asked, "do you like Chinese food?"

"I'm a college student. Of course I do."

He smiled. "Then you're going to like our date."

He held out his arm for a good minute before Leah realized what he wanted her to do. With a small cough, she hooked his arm with hers, letting him lead her down the hallway. Leah hoped that wherever he was taking her was on the other side of the house—giving her a wonderful opportunity to check for any methods of escape—but the room China had in mind was on the other end of the black carpeted hallways.

"It's not much, but here it is." China swung the door open, revealing a large, lavish room. Leah opened her mouth in awe, stepping inside slowly and turning to get a full view. If someone asked her what the Emperor of China's private quarters were like, she would point to this room. Red and gold decorations from China's homeland filled the room, taking Leah's eyes to a canopy bed and a private kitchen to the side. An abundance of comfortable cushions littered the ground in a color sea of warm reds and greens.

China unbuttoned the cuffs of his sleeves, giving her a weary look. "Do you like it?" he asked.

Leah suddenly remembered he was in the room and the room itself was, in fact, his bedroom. She held back a smile, scratching the nape of her neck. "It's nice."

He smiled. "Why don't you take a seat at the table over there," he said, motioning to a ground hugging table by the kitchen, "while I finish preparing my legendary cuisine."

Leah forced another smile, walking deeper into the suite. She couldn't help but to jump when she heard China close the door firmly shut behind him. Stiffly, she lowered herself onto the cushion that served at her dinner seat, trying to not notice how small the room seemed to be getting. She was alone in the room of a man who was magiked into loving her. There was a hundred different ways this could go wrong for her.

She glanced at China, making sure he was not paying attention to her. His back was turned to her as he shook a wok at the kitchen stove, rambling on about something irrelevant. She looked behind her and, seeing no one, hissed, "Belarus, are you there?"

There was no answer, not even a small sign the blond at heard her.

"…but that's just my opinion on the matter. What do you think?"

Leah turned back to China, seeing him place a platter of sautéed meat at the center of the table, followed by a pot of rice. She blinked, realizing he was giving her an expectant look. "I'm sorry," she said. "You were mumbling. What did you say?"

China took it with grace, placing his silky black pony tail behind his shoulder as he brought a jade teapot from the kitchen to the table. "I was saying that considering our personalities and educational backgrounds, you and I would make a splendid match," he said, sitting on a cushion opposite of her.

She shifted in her spot. "Is that so…"

"I mean, I understand if you feel differently. I am quite old."

"You look pretty young to me."

China laughed. "I'm glad you think so," he said. He clapped his hands together. "Now let's eat before this all go cold. Hand me you plate and bowl please."

Leah did so, observing his movements. She tried placing herself in the shoes of a straight girl, finding the process harder than it should have been. When she did manage it, she looked up and down China's body, seeing if there was anything a heterosexual might find attractive about him. He had a solid build, not too buff but not too skinny either. His hair was pretty enough, as was face. However, in any other situation, Leah would have thought China was a girl. In fact, he looked rather like a blurry combination of both.

There was a word for that- androgynous.

Leah waited until he was seated comfortably on his cushion to speak up. "China, can I ask you a question?"

He looked up, a pair of chopstick balanced between his fingers. "You can ask me anything."

"What are your preferred pronouns?"

China stared at her for a mute moment. Then, without warning, the chopsticks slipped out of his hands and he started crying. Leah yelped, jumping away from the table as he buried his hands in his face. "Hey, are you alright?" she asked, hurrying towards him. She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, shaking the ball he curled himself into. "I'm sorry, I didn't know that this was a sensitive topic."

"It's not that." China looked up, sniffling. Two trails of tears stretched down the length of his face, but besides that, he looked happy. The corners of his eyes crinkled with an intense mirth that Leah had never seen before. "It's just… no one has ever asked me for my preferred pronouns before."

Leah stared at him, confused. "You do have some?" she asked.

"I do. Even though I'm gender neutral, I still prefer masculine pronouns. Thank you, though. You're the first person ever who never presumed I was cisgender."

She took her hands in his, gripping them tightly as she resisted the urge to cry. "No worries, I understand," she said. She felt like it was the first time since her kidnapping she said anything so genuine. "We're both oppressed by the government, so we got to stick together, right?"

He nodded, squeezing her hands in return. "Right!"

Leah beamed. Positive that he wasn't going to break, Leah released his hands and rose back to her feet. She liked China, she decided. If there was a way to make him forget the whole marriage thing, he would be the first person she would make friends with.

"Leah?" She turned back to him, raising an eyebrow when she saw him pushing himself off the ground. The childish happiness that engulfed him earlier was gone, replaced by eyes drawn by a coquettish hand. "I have never met a girl who was more perfect for me than you," he said, sauntering towards her. He only stopped when he was right in her personal space, their torsos nearly touching.

She stepped back, placing her hands in the space between her breasts and his chest. "You know, you're going to say that one day to a girl who isn't a lesbian— " She ended in a shriek as she was pushed onto the floor. Luckily, there were enough cushions on the ground to act like a full fledge bed, softening her fall until it was nothing.

China crawled on top of her, holding down her wrists with his hands. Leah squirmed beneath him, wondering where the flying fuck Belarus was. "There's no need to talk now," he said huskily, leaning his face closer to hers. His lips were a breath's distance from hers. "I really love—"

A blade cut his words short.

"Get off of her," Belarus said, holding her knife at the side of his neck. Leah felt herself relaxed as she watched Belarus's hard eyes bore into China's back. "Right now."

He sat up, raising his hands in the air. He climbed off of Leah, folding his legs beneath him. China passed his eyes between the two girls, watching Leah pull her upper body off the ground. Without warning, he grinned. "Congratulations, you both pass."

Belarus and Leah exchanged a furrowed-browed look before looking back at him. "What?"

China brought the end of his pony tail back over his shoulder, playing mindlessly with the silky strands. He dropped the grin, replacing it with a tight frown instead. "This was a test. I wanted to see how prepared you were to deal with this situation before I offered my help."

Leah considered being shocked for a moment or so longer, but she decided against it. She wiped a solemn expression on her face, straightening her back as she looked at China cautiously. "So you weren't under the spell?"

He shook his head.

"But how?"

"Those magic idiots tailored the spell to apply to men only and seeing that I am gender neutral, I was able to escape it easily. Would either of you like some tea?"

"Don't change the subject," Belarus ordered. She pointed a knife at him, flickering it up and down. "What do you call that act just now? Sexual harassment?"

China raised his chin. "A test," he explained, reaching for the teapot. "It would take an idiot to have not seen you sneak in here, Belarus. Once I was sure that Miss Townsend here was not a hormone high idiot who was just going to throw herself at me, I wanted to see how seriously you were going to take your job as her bodyguard."

"So this was just a test?" Leah demanded.

"Exactly." He watched her fall back onto the cushions, shoving a round one in her face as she groaned. He lifted the teapot towards her, saying, "Are you sure you don't want some tea?"

Leah pulled the cushion from her face, glaring at him. "Sure. Why not?"

China hummed as he poured her a cup, warning her how hot it was as he passed it into her hands. Belarus watched the exchange with distant eyes, placing herself in the spot next to Leah. "You said earlier that we passed this test," Belarus said. "Does that mean you our now our ally?"

China nodded. "Of course. I have determined that Miss Townsend is not an idiot and she is worth my effort to help."

"Glad I'm worth your time," Leah huffed, sipping her tea. It was good, though the Chinese man had kept it too bitter for her tastes.

He sighed. "That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

"I meant that when it is said that this spell is tailored to make these idiots madly in love with you, it is a gross understatement. These men will be pulling of their tricks to not only get you to fall in love with them, but to sabotage each other. That is why we are in my room right now and not in other parts of the house. With so many trying to win your heart, I was afraid that interfering would lead me to being the guardian of a girl who would be dimwitted enough to fall in love with not only one of her kidnappers, but with a man who cannot under any law of any state dedicate his life to a human."

Leah raised a brow. "Human?"

China pressed his lips. He occupied his mind for a long moment by pouring another cup of tea, taking a long swing of it for himself. He held it between his hands, giving her an austere look. "You're missing the point. You have a brain, Leah Townsend. You're smart enough to know how and when to play your cards. I would hate to see you get wrapped up in a compromising situation."

She nodded, looking into his eyes without hesitation. "I understand and I would be honored to have your help me. But… "She placed her tea cup on the table, letting the glass clink loudly on the wood. "What in the world did you mean by human?" she demanded. "And also the whole 'the law forbids it' part?"

China and Belarus exchanged a panicked look. "A slip of the tongue," he said hastily. "Belarus, would you like to eat with us? I don't want all this food to go to waste."

Leah dropped her mouth. "Wait—"

"I would love some," Belarus replied, ignoring Leah as she rose to her feet. "Let me go get a plate."

China followed suite, mimicking her loud tone. "Here, let me help you."

"Hey!" Leah whipped her head between the two as they went into the kitchen, ignoring her existence entirely. "Aren't either of you going to explain…" She trailed off as they started to talk in their over-the-top voices again. Leah frowned, bringing her tea back to her lips. It seemed like there was more to these people than what met the eye.

As she drank, she tried to piece the pieces together in her head—people named after countries, under strict government law, possibly not human. None of it added up, yet Leah was sure there was an hidden answer somewhere, she would just have to find it.

* * *

**MW: **Before I start with the core of my AN, I should mention that the last half of this isn't exactly proofread. I'll probably go back and change a lot of stuff (spelling/wording), but right now I'm so sick of looking at this chapter I just don't want to reread it all and remember how badly it sucks.

Moving on. China was quite a (how should I put this?) surprise, wasn't he? I've always had plans for him to be one of Leah's allies, though I was hoping that you guys would choose at least one person to go before him so that I had more time to build up his street cred, but alas! China won by a slim margin. As for the part with him being gender neutral: someone recommended that Leah should immediately presume he was either a girl or gender neutral, resulting in what I would have guessed a very awkward misunderstanding. I thought about doing that, but then realized that I should just skip the joke and make China gender neutral for real. There you go. I hope you people like it.

By the way: _**I am still accepting suggestions for next chapter's date. Please review or PM or tumblr ask with your requests!**_

Now before I end things, I better give the following people credit for showing support. Thank you **Ayumi Kudou, MiscellaneousAilurophileOfFire, FrostyTheBookLover, UltimateOtakuGirl100, MastermindKakashi, **and**Rosemary **for being amazing human beings**.**

**No Notes**

**Thank you everyone for reading! Please remember to review and tell me which guy you want to see next! **


	5. I Hate Chloroform

**Warning: **Strong language, crude jokes, and vomiting.

* * *

**~Chapter 5~**

**I Hate Chloroform**

* * *

"Why is Belarus sulking?"

The Women of the Bathroom looked up from their nail polish, as if realizing for the first time that their blond companion was curled in the corner by the bathtub, a dark aura surrounding her quaking form. They stared at Belarus for a long moment before returning to Leah with a collective shrug. "She overheard the boys talking about your date for today when she went to pick up breakfast," Taiwan explained. "She's a bit upset."

Leah rolled her eyes and huffed, crossing her arms over her pink knit sweater. "Don't tell me I'm stuck with that Persia guy today."

Belgium crinkled her face, along with every other girl. "Persia?"

"You know that albino pervert who sounds like he's been a heavy smoker for the past twenty years?"

"Oh you mean Prussia."

"Same difference." Leah sighed. She had approximately five minutes until her mystery date was supposed to arrive. All she knew about him was that he was going to take her to a cold place, or so said the note China had slipped beneath her door this morning. Why the person never told her outright who was coming was completely beyond her. Leah looked back at Belarus, feeling a prick in her nerves. The only reason why Belarus could be so upset over her date was if Belarus cared about the guy or—dared Leah think of it? –she _loved _him.

Of course, that latter option still left Belarus with the possibility of being bisexual or pansexual or even demisexual, which would then mean Leah just have to win her over. As long as Belarus wasn't straight, she'll be fine.

Leah approached Belarus with annoyed steps, careful to give herself a demanding aura. "I have five minutes until my date," Leah drawled, "so if you have some big secret about the guy trying to get into my pants, you better spill it now."

Belarus turned her head, giving Leah a frigid glare unlike any Leah had seen before. All the other cold visages Belarus had flashed had been half-hearted, like she only did them out of habit. This glare had her complete hatred at its core, one smoldering in the deepest, coldest ring of hell. "Russia's your next date," she hissed spitefully.

The Woman of the Bathtub gasped in horror, each calling out her condolences.

Leah arched an eyebrow. "Russia?" she repeated, grimacing at the pattern. Belarus, China, Persia, Russia. Why would these people insist on naming themselves after countries? "What does that mean? Am I going to be serenaded by communistic propaganda?" Belarus didn't respond. Leah stared at her back for a long moment, waiting for her body guard to offer up even the smallest of explanations. She took a deep breath, stepping forward. "Belarus—"

The woman snapped into the air, her claw-like hands clutching Leah's shoulders. Belarus stared at her with an insane look, one that shadowed her face and made her eyes bulged. Leah yelped. "He'll serenade you with his pipe!" Belarus screamed. "Beware the pipe!"

Leah yanked her shoulders away, feeling her perfectly styled hair frizz in the effort. "A pipe?" Leah repeated, smoothing the creasing from her black leggings. "For like plumbing?"

Belarus lunged at Leah again, but the girl had enough sense to move out of reach. "The pipe is an allegory!"

"An allegory?"

"Yes!"

"For what?"

Belarus lunged again, succeeding in grabbing Leah's upper arms in her hands. "His penis!"

The last time Leah had ever heard anything so absurd was when a the guy who lives in the dorm down the hall from her tried to convince her that he was a lesbian like her. Why? Because he "found girls as sexuality attractive as she does." At the time, Leah merely presumed that his words sounded so weird because he was as high as she was, but now she was starting to think that there really were people in the world who were really that stupid and Belarus was among them.

Leah wretched her arms away, taking a long stride away from the obviously crazy woman. She placed her fingers on her temples, demanding her brain to make some sense of her crush's words. "Are you telling me this Russia guy is going to try to seduce me with a pipe because it's some allegory for his penis?"

Belarus bobbed her head up and down. "Yes!"

Leah sighed again, for the third time that minute. The people kept getting weirder and weirder—

"That's exactly what my brother does."

"Brother?" Leah pressed her hands into her face, smothering back a loud scream. "Why do you know the sexual habits of your brother of all people?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Why should you? You make it sound like you've had sex with him."

"I have."

"Oh my fucking God!" Leah screeched. She paced in a tight circle feeling a cocktail mixture of disgust, anger, and sheer panic swirl in her stomach. She almost ran to the toilet to barf up last night's Chinese food, but she held back. Instead, she did the only sane thing any lesbian would do: scream. "Holy fucking shit! You're into hetero-incest! That is fucking disgusting! You are _so _luck you are _so _hot!"

Belarus rolled her eyes, all of her earlier passion draining from her body. A red flush sprawled its florid color across the skin of her face. "Would you stop over reacting?" she demanded. "It's not that big of a deal."

"Yes it is!" Leah pulled at her hair, ruining the perfect arrangement of her unruly curls. "Why the fuck would you—"

"Well for starters, his penis is the size of a pipe," Belarus snapped.

Liechtenstein raised her hand. "I can verify that as fact," she chimed.

Leah turned to her. "Why the fuck would _you _know that?"

"I'm kinda a slut."

"Holy fuck!"

A fist pounded on the bathroom door. "What the heck is going on in there?" China demanded from the other side.

Taiwan brightened immediately, pushing her way to the nearest edge of the tub. "Leah! You never said anything about China being here!"

Leah groaned. "I didn't know he was here either."

"Well come in, China dear," Hungary called out like a loving mother.

The door cracked open, revealing his ebony head. His brown eyes coursed to each corner of the bathroom, a surprised brow raised. "Are you sure you want me in here?" he asked as he stepped in. "This looks like a girl H.Q."

"Well the only rule is no men, so you get a pass to come inside."

"Thank you." China buried his hands into his winter coat. He gave Leah a condescending glare, one ordering her to keep her mouth shut. "So are you done screaming?" he asked, tight mouthed.

Leah pointed a finger at Belarus. "She fucked her brother," she squeaked.

"Everyone one has," he replied. "Hell, _I _have sex with him every now and then. His penis is the size of a pipe."

"I'm a lesbian!"

"I know." China glared at her, a silent order for her to shut up. Leah did so, but with her irritation still burning beneath her skin. He turned his attention towards Belarus. "Anyways, I've decided that I'm going to accompany you and Miss Townsend on the date," he said.

Belarus shook her head. "No. It's nearly impossible to hide two people at once."

"Then we won't hide. I am willing to go undercover with you as— " The corner of his mouth twitched, as if it pained him to say it. "Your date."

Leah bit back her objection. She had no problem with China pretending to be the date of the most beautiful woman in the universe, none at all. She just knew that going undercover as a couple would not go unnoticed. Even though Leah did not have any siblings of her own, she knew that Belarus's brother would spot her the instant her adorable glare came within twenty feet of his date.

Belarus, however, did not seem like she thought of that. "Sounds good. You can pretend to be my…" The words died on her lips. Belarus spent an awkward moment scratching the side of her neck. "What's a gender neutral term for boyfriend-girlfriend?"

China raised a pompous chin. "That's easy. It's…" He stopped. And frowned. "Shit. What _is _a gender neutral term?"

"My little sun flower!" A banged echoed against the bathroom a booming steps sounded on the wood floors on the other side. Leah's blood curled in her veins. "It's time for our date!" the invader, a youthful sounding man, sang. "Are you hiding beneath the bed?"

"Is that Russia?" Leah asked.

"It is." Hungary waved a hand at China and Belarus. "Quick, jump in here and hide." China and Belarus exchanged a look before swinging their legs over the edge, muttering apologies as they squished against the hiding Women of the Bathtub. Hungary gave Leah one final salute. "Lord have mercy on your soul."

"What?" Leah started to the tub as Hungary ducked behind the porcelain wall. "Hey!"

The bathroom door banged open. "Found you!" Leah shrieked, jumping away as a brutish man consumed the doorway. He resembled a rectangle with broad shoulders that dwarfed his dimpled face. Or was his dimpled face too small for his body? Leah did not know. What she knew was that Russia's hair was a limp mixture of gray and brown that was only a few shades darker than his white skin. A large, crooked nose branched out from the gap between his two violet eyes.

They're colored contact lenses, Leah decided firmly as her mouth switched between a smile and a frown. The bathroom shrunk in size with each shaky breath until she swore that the slightest shift on her feet would cause her shoulders to bang into the pallid plaster. She ground her teeth together, lifting a small hand in a wave. "Hi?" Her voice sounded microscopic.

Russia smiled largely, showing her every little tooth in his mouth. "Are you ready for our date, sunflower?"

Shit, she thought, he's not going to call me _that. _But there was little she could do about it. The man was thrice her size and armed with a long silver pipe. Leah's eyes bulged. Was his penis really _that _big?

Russia noticed where she was staring. "Oh, you'll get some of it later," he told her, tilting his head to the side like a child. Leah tried not to gag. If the women (plus China) were not hiding in the bathtub, she would have leaned over its side and vomited into the rusting drain. "So are you ready to go?"

She strained a kind look. "Where are we going?"

"The ice rink." That explained not only why she needed the fur lined coat, but also the winter jacket draped against his body. Russia reached into the jacket's side pocket, pulling out a black bag. "Now put on the nice chloroform bag and we can get going."

Leah jumped away, her legs banging into the edge of the bathtub. "Why the fuck is it chloroformed?" She screamed shrilly.

He laughed. "So that you don't get your bearings."

"Don't be happy about this!"

He started to approach her. "Now put it on, my little—"

"No!"

On the brighter side of things, Leah was able to avoid the chloroformed bag for a full five minutes before Russia finally pinned her onto the tiled floor and pulled it over her head. However, no matter how much Leah called for help, none of the women (plus China) hiding in the bathtub came to her rescue, not even Belarus. So much for being my bodyguard, Leah thought as her consciousness swirled into a black oblivious.

* * *

"I think you should know that knocking me out with chloroform has officially made you the last person I ever want to marry."

"I'm glad my little sunflower and I have a relationship built on honesty."

Leah buckled the last strap on her obnoxiously blue rental skates, feeling her headache worsen. Unlike days previous where she slept off the sickening side effects of her chloroform poisoning, this time she woke up to a splitting headache and a bad case of nausea. She and Russia had to sit in the back of his SUV in the parking lot for three hours as she dry-heaved the contents of her stomach. Even though sickness had long faded away, the headache persisted, drilling into the temples of her skull with enough force to drive her mad.

But did that stop Russia from insisting that they ice skate? No.

Leah blinked her eyes obsessively, trying to clear the blurry film from her irises. All around her children and adults talked excitedly in a language she could not understand. The many posters and signs posted in the locker around her were also in a foreign tongue. Leah was sure she recognized a few English words jammed into the mix, but the rest of the Roman alphabet was scrunched together in a dizzying line.

She felt a new wave of nausea billow in the liquids of her gut. She groaned, leaning into her abdomen. What remained of her breakfast threatened to travel up her throat and make an encore appearance. She felt the heavy hand on her back before she realized that it was Russia. "Are you alright, my little sunflower?" he asked.

She shook her head. "No. I need to lay down."

"Alright, we'll go back to the car…" He trailed off.

Leah looked up, realizing that he was staring at someone across the room. She followed his trail of sight until she spotted a blond man renting a pair of skates. He looked to be around Leah's age, though he was much taller and much leaner. A clear pair of specs sat on his nose as he laughed something to the cashier. "Who's that?" she wheezed.

Russia smiled, though it lacked any of its previous joyfulness. "America. It looks like he's going to crash our date," he explained. "But if I remember correctly, America is a terrible skater." He stood, offering his hand. "If we get him out on the rink, there's a chance he might break his spine."

She shook her head. "I can't skate like this!"

"It won't take long. Trust me." When she refused again, he huffed and picked her up in his arms. He carried her out of the locker room with a merry hum, taking her into the cool air of the ice rink. The large oval was framed by a waist level wall lined top with a clear plastic shield. Its inside was lined with local advertisements, none of which looked familiar. Loads of children and adults glided over the red hockey lines of the ice, all going around in a circle as onlookers pressed their faces against the plastic shields.

"Here we go!" Russia stepped on the ice, somehow keeping his balance as he placed her on it as well. Leah's feet immediately slipped beneath her. She yelped, grabbing his arm. He laughed. "Do you really need to hold my hand?"

"I need a doctor," she told him, regretting the skirt she wore around her hips. "Or a really strong drink."

"Well I have some vodka—"

"Give it." Russia handed her a tint canister filled to the brim with the clear tonic. Leah drank it greedily, wiping her arm across her mouth with a content sigh when she was finished.

Russia took it back from her, amused. "Did you drink all of it?" He peered inside and whistled. "You did. I'm impressed."

"I have very little talents, but binge drinking it one of them. Can I see that doctor now?"

He laughed. "When America breaks his neck, you can talk to the paramedics about your chloroform poisoning." Russia wrapped his hand around her, squeezing it tightly. "Now relax. I'll keep you steady."

While Russia did cart her around the ice rink in relative peace, Leah did not relax. Her headache was ever worsening and her stomach felt ready to explode. She kept her face low. Eye closed, she imagined that she was back in her bed in her college dorm. Maybe all of this kidnapping business has been nothing but a dream. Of course, the moment she opened them again, she was confronted by the fact that she was still on a date with a six-foot-five weirdo who carried around a phallic pipe.

Mentioned weirdo pulled on her arm, drawing her attention back onto him. "This isn't too bad, isn't it?" he asked with a sincere smile. "Look: even America's on the ice now." Leah followed the sight of his pointed finger, spying the blond pressed against the wall, doing his damn well best to not fall. However, a little boy knocked into his butt and he went flying onto the ice.

Russia laughed loudly, so loudly that America shot them a sharp glare. "Shut up, Commie!" he shouted across the rink.

Russia tilted his head innocently. "Why should I—"

A blur crashed into him. Leah was pushed to the side as Russia's hand was yanked from hers. Both her date and the blur sped down the length of the ice until hitting the plastic shield twenty-odd feet away. America whooped, cupping his mouth as he shouted, "Go Canada!

Sure enough, the sweet blond who banged the door into her nose days before was ramming into Russia like a hockey player, full hockey garb and all.

Leah backed into the nearest wall, holding herself steady as she tried to get her bearings. America looked like he was trying to come her way, but the poor fellow couldn't get his body off the ice without slipping. Russia was trying to fight off Canada, but the spindly man was not going to give up without a violent fight.

A new wave of sickness cascaded down her body. Leah groaned. She hugged her stomach, pressing her back into the wall as she slipped into a crouch. She shouldn't have drunk that vodka, especially if she had known it was going to demand an exit through her mouth. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out the rest of the sickening world. She was going to murder the man who discovered chloroform and thought it would be an economical way to kidnap people.

"Your date is going wonderfully."

Leah snapped her head upwards, more than happy to see Belarus and China leaning against the wall next to her. Belarus was dressed in a sensible pair of jeans and sweatshirt, while China made effort to dress as though he was on an actual date. His outfit did little to keep him in character though, as his concentration was trained on the phone in his gloved hands. "Where have you two been?" Leah demanded. "I got attacked and neither of you did anything."

"We were kind of buried beneath five or so girls. It was hard to move," Belarus said, "especially when Ukraine's boobs can be considered their own person. Did you know that each one has its own distinct personality and they argue with each other constantly? Like the left one is apparently a total bitch—"

"I was chloroformed!"

"The left breast called me a cunt. I had to kick its ass."

"I think I got it!" China held his phone to Belarus, saying, "So according to this website, the word _kjæreste _is a gender neutral Norwegian word for boyfriend-girlfriend."

Belarus shook her head. "We're not using it," she declared, reaching down to wipe the ice off the blades of her skates.

"Why?"

"It's Norwegian."

"Do you have something against the Nordics?"

"Do either of you care about me anymore?" Leah screamed. They looked down at her, their brows raised to their hairlines. "I am going to puke my guts out because some bastard chloroformed me and I could die but all you two are concerned about are fucking Norwegians!"

Belarus released a long breath. "Leah—"

"Don't 'Leah' me—" She choked, quickly slapping a hand over her mouth before the vodka-vomit could escape. Her wide-eyes darted in every which direction as she tried to telepathically communicate her problem to Belarus. Unfortunately, the woman only gave her a confused look for a moment before resuming her argument with China. Again, Leah cursed the fact that Belarus was so beautiful or else she might have found herself hating the woman.

"Yo, Leah!" America, supported by what looked to be a granny walker, glided towards her, a large grin on his face. "You wanna ditch the commie-bastard and head over to my place? I just rented the new Tinker Bell movie and Rosetta is the shit." He made the mistake of abandoning the walker and crouching next to her with an excited smile. He winked. "What do you say?"

Leah responded with a very alcoholic puke.

* * *

In the end, America declared that the puke could be washed out of his leather jacket if he scrubbed hard enough. He beamed a starry grin at Leah before running off to the bathroom to salvage what he could. China and Belarus had to hook Leah's arms over their shoulders and carry her off the rink. They took her to the nearest bathroom, pushing her to the nearest stall. There, Leah barfed the remainder of the vodka.

"So you're telling me you've had worse?" China demanded, leaning against the sink.

Leah nodded into the toilet bowl, grateful that she had Belarus to hold her hair from her mouth. "The morning you took me was the after effects of a shit-ton of alcohol and a joint or two."

"You do drugs too?" China ran his hands through his hair. "Great, I'm helping out a party girl."

"I'm more than just a party—" Another round of puke cut her short.

Belarus sighed, running her hand up and down Leah's back. If Leah had been any less sick, she would have dwelled on the feeling of the hand traveling over her bra strap and down the curve of her spine, but at the moment she was more thankful that the circular motions were alleviating some of the nausea. "Lay off a bit, China," Belarus ordered sternly. "Criticizing her life choices is not going to make her any better."

China grumbled. "Fine. I'll wait outside then." He pushed off the sink and started for the bathroom door. His fingers barely brushed over the handle when the door swung open, revealing a darkly frowning Russia.

"Leah." Russia pushed past China, storming over to the open stall. Belarus released Leah's hair long enough to properly stand in her brother's way. He glared. "Move it." He pushed her behind him, ignoring her angered shouts, leaving only him and Leah in the stall. "Why did you run off with America?" he demanded, looming over her kneeling form.

Leah resisted another groan, lowering her face closer to the vomit filled toilet. The disgusting stench attack her nose, making her gag her words. "I didn't—"

He grabbed the back of her coat, pulling her onto her feet. "Don't lie to me!" he shouted. "I saw you talking to him!"

"Calm down, Russia!" Belarus growled from behind him, drawing one of her knives. "If you don't-" Russia whipped around, crashing his pipe into her stomach. Belarus fell into the sinks, banging the back of her head against their porcelain white edge.

"Don't hurt her!" Leah shouted, trying to get her hands on the claw holding her coat. In a way, she was almost thankful for the extra support. Her legs felt too weak to support the rest of her body.

"Why? So you can run off with her?"

"Jesus-fucking-Christ—I was just barfing my heart out! I was not cheating on you or whatever the hell you're thinking! Can't you just trust me?"

"Why should I when you'll just break it?"

Leah groaned. "Listen to me!" She screamed. "If you're going to have a fucking relationship with anyone, you're going to have to put some Goddamn trust into it. Like I don't care what kind of tragic past you have, like 'everyone always betrays me in the end,' just no. You have to put your freaking trust into your partner or else your relationship isn't going to work. You _imbecile_."

Russia released her. Leah swayed to the side, catching herself against the wall of the stall. He stared blankly in front of him, as if he was still processing her words. "So if I trust my partner, I'll have a better relationship?"

Leah rolled her eyes. "Yes, you idiot."

He blinked, but did not move. Leah waited for him to say another word, but he was eerily silent. Peering closely, she realized that he was not even breathing. "Russia?" The frozen man did not reply. Leah inched along the wall, getting close enough to poke his arm. "Are you alright?"

A soft yellow glow appeared from beneath his clothes. It started around his shoes, traveling up his body until it snaked up his neck and around his face. Leah felt herself grow ridged. That could not have been a good sign. The glow flared, engulfing the bathroom in its blinding brilliance. Leah cried out as she stumbled away. Similar exclamations from Belarus and China banged against her eardrums as the back of her knees knocked into the edge of the toilet. Leah fell back, her butt landing in the vomit filled bowl.

The light disappeared as quickly as it started, leaving behind an unfazed Russian. He beamed a smile, being down to scoop her into his arms. "My little sunflower! I love you so much!"

Leah stiffened in his arms, craning her neck towards the very puzzled Belarussian. "What the hell just happened?" she asked, trying to ignore the reeking vomit soaking through the fabric of her skirt and tights.

"I don't know," Belarus replied pressing a bunch of paper towels to the cut on the nape of her neck. The blood in her hair showed itself in the mirror's reflection. She hissed as she added more pressure. "Never seen anything like it before."

"I think I might know what has happened." China placed a finger to his chin, his face drawn in concentration. "When those magic idiots tried putting the spell on me, it sort of reflected off of me in a blaze of light like that. My best guess right now would have to be that you somehow broke the spell on Russia."

Leah squirmed as Russia held her tighter, nuzzling the crook of her neck. The idiot was so caught up in his happiness for this "little sunflower," that he did not hear any of the words around him. Leah ground her teeth, trying not to freak out. "Then why is he still in love with me?"

"Maybe you actually got him to fall in love with you."

Leah started to feel sick all over again. "Fuck."

Russia pulled away, giving her a virile gaze. "Are you sure you want to?"

"That's not what I—" She bent her head, barfing between her legs and into the toilet bowl.

Russia made a face. "I should take you to the doctors now."

"You should."

* * *

**MW: **You guys like to choose the interesting characters first as much as I like to do over rated pipe jokes (I am so sorry that went on for so long. I don't usually do jokes like that, but it kind of happened anyways). This is a very long chapter and I hope that I never have to do one this length again, especially since this is my crap story. In fact, I had to cut a lot of stuff out of this, including an appearance by Italy and Germany and more development on the whole "Russia has trust issues" thing. But at the end of the day, the central moral of the story was still learned: never used chloroform. It's screwed up.

I'm going to guess right now that I might not update for a while. Senior year of high school starts next week and my 18th birthday is the week after that. I'll try to get one in by the end of the month, but if not, fret not. This is still a good breather from the rest of the stuff that I am writing. I will not give it up.

By the way: votes are still being accepted, so please continuing sending them in (though some more feedback on the actual story would be welcomed). Here's an updated list of available cuties if you are too lazy to figure it out yourself: Italy, Germany, Japan, Romano, Spain, Prussia, Canada, America, and France

**Edit: **I just realized that I never gave appreciation to the reviewers! I'm so sorry! Supper special thanks to **Little Miss. Glasses and Geeks, Oddity, HoneyBeeGirl94, MastermindKakashi, Fictional History, Hefters, **and **TheSilentReader!** Love you guys!

**Notes**

"_Kjæreste_" From the website _BetterThanEnglish_: "A gender neutral term for girlfriend or boyfriend. It literally translates as 'dearest,' and can be used in similar constructions (for example, '_kjæreste_ _minne'_ means 'dearest memory')."

**Thank you for reading. Have a good start of the school year. Keep your heads up!**


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